This is my hometown.
I was born here.
I grew up here.
I played grazing my hands and knees.
I know every nook and cranny of this place.
I would jump in this river,
swim all the way up to crack a coconut in the Ganesha temple.
Shanthi akka's thatched house.
Hunchback grandma's fritter stall.
Our favorite temple and all the hot spots.
The scent of this breeze revives all my dormant memories.
Greetings, sir.
A warm welcome to one and all.
"Introducing our alumnus who has brought name and fame to our school,
I extend a warm welcome to actor Mr. Veluswamy on behalf of everyone."
"Mr. Veluswamy has a witty sense of humor that makes us roll with laughter."
"To say wit and humor flow through every vein in his body
is not flattery at all."
"To our successful guest of honor who's carved a niche in Tamil cinema,
I request our principal to gift him with a bouquet."
Thank you, sir.
"Despite your busy schedule,
for having taken the time and effort to honor us with your presence
and be part of our centenary celebrations,
we thank you from the bottom of our hearts."
"I welcome our alumni and parents to be part of this proud moment…"
Sir, isn't that Madam Lakshmi?
Not bad, you seem to have a crystal clear memory.
What about her family?
She lives all by herself.
-Grandchildren? -Holy moly! She is a spinster.
"I request Mr. Veluswamy to inaugurate this event by lighting our lamp."
"I humbly request Comedy King Mr. Veluswamy
to speak a few words about our centenary celebration."
Greetings to all.
Thank you very much.
Madam listed out many truths about me.
But one of them was a blatant lie.
She said I studied here.
I didn't study at all.
I bruised my brain to even pass.
-Go, go! -Run to your class.
Good morning, ma'am.
Good morning. Sit down, sit down.
Thank you, ma'am.
I am your homeroom teacher for this year.
Congratulations to all the students promoted to the 9th grade.
Next year, all of you will graduate from this school.
What I need to know is
how many of you failed 9th grade last year?
Okay, okay. Sit down.
Are there any students here repeating 9th grade for two years?
Okay, sit.
All of you should excel in your studies this year.
You are bound to face failures.
But it doesn't matter.
What is important is how we try and attain success, okay?
-So today, first-- -Ma'am, Veluswamy didn't stand up.
Who is Veluswamy?
Why didn't you stand up, Veluswamy?
You asked those who repeated twice or thrice to stand up.
This is my fourth year here.
I thought I'd stand if you asked about a 4th time.
Here, give this bag of vegetables to your mother.
If you roam around, wasting time,
go home late in the evening, you won't get dinner, mind you!
This chore of buying vegetables messes up my business big-time.
-Did your son fail this year, too? -As usual.
When he was admitted in 1st grade, MGR was his bench-mate in class.
He became chief minister.
His son is still warming his bench in 9th grade.
What to do? My blessed fate.
-You know my younger brother Kandasamy? -That one-eyed Joe?
Same guy. He's got a job for my son in Ceylon weighing tea leaves.
But to qualify, he needs to pass 10th grade.
That's why we are still sending him to school.
Why would you need to know about the reforms of Akbar to weigh bags of tea?
That man died after digging lakes and planting trees on the roadside.
How does that benefit me?
Forget these reforms.
Basic arithmetic, two plus two is four, four plus four is eight, okay.
Why should a man weighing bags know algebra?
Why do I need (a+b)²?
You know the reason for all this.
One is Dr. Abdul Kalam.
He showed the world a man can be born poor and still become the president of India.
Second person.
Proved a tea seller in a railway station can become our prime minister.
But does that mean everyone can become a president or prime minister?
It all boils down to fate.
What do you say, Mr. Moustache?
I didn't fail because I didn't study. I lost because of my fate.
Let me tell you my backstory.
Shit! Yuck!
Can't stomach this smell. My intestines are churning.
That truck is loaded with people's crap.
You think it's gonna be fragrant?
Where is that truck heading?
-Do you see that hill over there? -Yes.
There is a huge canal behind it.
They will dump it there and sprinkle shell lime powder on it.
Why do that, bro?
That shell lime powder converts human waste into manure.
They use the manure in the open fields.
Bro, look at that mango.
This tree is in our math teacher Krishna Iyer's compound.
This Palakattu Madhavan will be sitting in there.
Check if the coast is clear.
No one inside.
Only an old lady drying poppadoms.
Look at my breakneck speed!
You cracked the old lady's skull!
-My head is bleeding! -Run for your life!
Which imbecile did this? Dear Ambujam!
Someone is trying to kill me!
Come quickly!
What are you doing over there?
Ouch!
Hey, moron!
Some scumbags have broken my mother's head.
Damn! Is your mother dead or alive?
Good-for-nothing oaf! Jerk!
Useless!
Mr. Krishna Iyer made me repeat another year in the 9th grade.
What were the chances of that old lady drying poppadoms under the scorching sun
exactly when I threw the stone?
That's what I mean by "fate."
That fate didn't let go of me the next year either.
Bro…
Hey! Murugesan!
-New shoes? -Yes, bro.
Come here.
Looks like your father is rolling in money.
Looks good on your feet. Show me.
Remove it and show me properly.
Looks good, right?
-Don't give it to him! -Give it to me!
-Go to your class. -Kick it really hard.
-Bro, pass it to me. -He's trying to take it.
-I'll take care of it. -Kick it here.
-Kick it this side. -To me, dude.
-He's coming for it. -Bro, pass it to me.
-Send it to me. -Move aside.
Hey!
Dang!
Hold on to it, man! Don't let it go!
-Ouch! -Take it!
Where did you all go?
All work and no play are not what the children need.
Children must play games, too.
I played a harmless prank.
Did I deserve such a huge punishment?
The next year, I was punished even worse than this.
Mr. Shanmugam joined our school as a new teacher.
Famous for his beefed-up arms and a face always staring daggers at us.
He should have been a wrestling coach. He came to teach us instead.
We gave him a suitable nickname.
Guess what it was.
Sandiyar alias Rowdy Shanmugam.
When he was in class teaching us,
pin-drop silence, you couldn't even hear a fly.
Boss has finally come.
Welcome, sir! Come in, please. Come in!
Please come in, sir.
-Sorry, sir! -No, no!
You don't need to give me any respect at all.
My parents have taught me to show respect to elders,
that's why I bowed to you.
Come and sit in our classroom, sir.
My parents have also told me to look up to my elders.
I would really appreciate it if you stand up on this table, sir.
-No, sir -Please, sir.
-Sir, no… -Stand up, you bloody swine!
Stand up! Coming in when you please, is this your harem?
Schrödinger's cat experiment.
Hey, swine mouth. Explain it to the class.
Sir… The exper…
Stand up on the bench.
There were many students in my class who had the answer at their fingertips.
He would never ask any of them.
He would target only me.
Another point to note, no one had seen a smile on this man's face.
I was the only exception.
He was happily smiling and flirting with Ms. Radhamani.
Always the case.
Sir, you seem to be in a jolly mood.
Mr. Shanmugam is just being comical.
Place the books on that table.
Mr. Shanmugam and comedy?
-What a tragedy! -Sir…
It was just for fun. Don't take a dig at me, sir.
I will get even with you, man.
"Kink of Lav Rowdy Shanmugam."
"Plus Qene Radhamani."
"Rowdy-Mani."
What does "Kink of Lav" mean?
He seems to be master of spelling mistakes.
Don't know which madcap scribbled this rubbish.
It can't be erased with water.
Good morning, sir.
Don't take it to heart.
Some arrogant idiot must have scribbled it.
Whoever responsible for this atrocity should be kicked.
Useless fellow!
Hey! Rowdy-Mani is here, man.
-What's so funny? -Nothing, sir.
Hey! Why are you laughing at me?
Am I standing here without a stitch on me?
Look in front of you and go.
Give me one bundle of spinach.
-How much? -Rowdy-Mani!
Rowdy-Mani.
Hey! Rowdy-Mani.
Hey! Who the hell called me by that name right now?
If you have the guts, come out, you scumbags!
Come out!
This won't work, Thangarasu.
My daughter is 30 years old.
To get her married to a 45-year-old man… Will it be appropriate?
The unfavorable position of planet Mars is a real headache.
In addition, you want the groom to be tall, fair, handsome,
well-educated and comfortably well-off.
Now you want a young groom.
How will I give you such a groom? I just have to give up this profession.
Still… my mind is unable to accept this age difference--
-Let's just meet him, sir. -You can--
Sir, sir, I want to change this nickname foisted on me.
-Sit down. -I'll come later--
-Listen to me, sir. -We'll discuss this later.
Sit down.
Sit down, I say.
Sir.
-I said we can discuss this later. -My bag.
Whatever.
Sir, I want this damn nickname changed.
The whole village calls me "Rowdy-Mani, Randy-Mani" now, sir.
I feel so embarrassed, I can't step out.
Madam Radhamani is crying nonstop, threatening to commit suicide.
You have to find a solution, sir.
-Sir, I had no ulterior-- -I am fully aware, Shanmugam.
Some scumbag is responsible for this terrible prank.
But I don't know how to set it right.
We have 300 students in our school, how can we catch this culprit?
I know what to do, sir.
It is evident that moron is bad at spelling.
So?
Let's give a spelling test to the 5th to 10th graders.
Whoever spells it wrong is our culprit.
Lion King.
King of kings.
Lovesome Lord Krishna.
Queen of Sheba.
Lavender foxglove.
Kink of kinks Qene of Sheepa
Laventar fox lav
Lavender foxglove.
King and queen in a palanquin…
Write.
Come, I say.
Sir, he is the culprit!
I thought it must be this wretched fellow's handiwork.
Same spelling mistakes and identical handwriting!
He suspended me for three months.
I'd do horrible in school even if I attended all year.
You can imagine my plight if I didn't go for three months.
I lost that year, too.
But my father still wanted me to pass 10th grade somehow
and dreamt of sending me to Ceylon.
I went back to school.
That particular year, the moment I entered this gate once more,
I made up my mind.
I would never do anything to mess with my father's dream again.
Sir.
-Groom is a Brahmin. -Doom for Ravana?
Sir, the groom belongs to the Brahmin caste!
What?
At least you listen properly. The groom is a Brahmin.
-What, sir? -Brahmin!
You can't hear anything I say, sir.
Ask that dog to stop barking.
If let loose, it will have a field day running everywhere.
It will trouble everyone walking to and fro.
How can a dog hug everyone?
Untie that damn dog!
-Please, ma'am. -Drink coffee.
Can't hear even a single word.
Why are you bringing the roof down, my precious?
Go, go.
-Groom is-- -Why are you yelling?
Boy is a Brahmin.
Talk normally, man.
Groom is a Brahmin with a debilitated Mars.
Four years ago, he fell in love with a girl and married her.
But that poor soul.
Just three days after the wedding,
his wife slipped in the bathroom, banged her head and died.
His parents tried for many years to find him a suitable bride.
But they couldn't find one.
The reason is his horoscope.
That's when they called me and said, "We don't mind about the caste."
"We just want a good girl from a decent family."
I showed them our teacher's photo and her horoscope.
They immediately approved.
Sir, kindly listen to me.
You can't get a better groom than this for our teacher.
Don't even think twice. Tell them I have agreed.
Okay, get going.
-I'll take your leave, sir. -Okay.
When will they come?
Sir, Wednesday is a good day it seems.
Lord Rama! What a mess!
Hey! Stop right there!
-Hey! Don't run! -Ma, let him go.
Stop! I said stop!
Stop right there!
Toppled the bowl and spilled buttermilk all over the floor.
If your dog enters my kitchen again, I'll make mincemeat of him.
-Maharasa! -Dump that damn dog somewhere.
Wait!
This doesn't seem like our local breed.
-Where did you get it, sir? -Not bought.
It barged right in.
A priest came to this church to preach.
A foreign blockhead. This is his dog.
Its name is King.
-That means? -Maharaja!
-Dog's name? -Yes.
Oh, dear.
That wretched foreigner kicked the bucket.
His dog jumped over here.
My daughter took the dog onto her lap just once.
This headache started right then.
Why don't you leave it somewhere?
I did that four times, of course.
It came back as fast as it went.
I even poisoned its food twice.
Damn dog didn't even touch it.
Sir, you shouldn't hold it against me for saying this.
I'm not responsible if this alliance is cancelled because of this dog.
They are an orthodox Brahmin family, sir.
They will look upon this pet as a pest.
I've spent nine years on this alliance and walked miles to fix the wedding.
If you miss it because of the dog…
-I understand. -…I won't touch you with a ten-foot pole!
God! You spent so much?
If I'll be treated royally, I don't mind lying in a corner of your house, too.
I don't even want a chain.
Eight idlis for breakfast.
Bucketful of sambar.
It won't touch its lunch without tamarind rice.
Is this a dog or a ghost?
How can a dog eat tamarind, salt, spices and still be alive?
-Won't die even if beaten to death. -So 100% ghost.
What about dinner?
-Doesn't eat at night. -Why?
Diet.
It will circle the house all night.
Wondering whom to bite. Who will be the sucker?
Once, it ate the chicken next door.
I compensated them monetarily.
You know the milk man comes in the morning.
This dog literally made a chutney of him and it became a major police case.
After that, we drink only black coffee at home.
Well, if you tell the municipality it's a rabid dog, they'll take it away.
But Lakshmi won't agree to that.
She is the one who pampered this dog by indulging all its whims.
If it doesn't get anyone to bite at night,
it will quietly go and lie down on my daughter's bed right next to her.
That's even more dangerous.
What is the guarantee it won't lie down next to your daughter and her husband?
Then this groom's first wedding night will be his last!
Iyer, kindly zip your lips and don't jinx this proposal.
My head is gonna explode just thinking about it.
Groom and his family are coming home next Wednesday to finalize the alliance.
Principal, sir.
I will give you an idea.
-What? -One dog won't like another.
We have such a dog.
-Which dog? -Looks like a pig, but it is a dog.
Our Veluswamy.
His brain is useless for academics,
but it's perfect for carrying out such nasty pranks with ease.
Call and give him the task.
Is this why you wanted to meet me alone?
-Yes. -Don't worry at all.
-I will solve your problem, sir. -It isn't as easy as you think.
I'll handle it, that dog won't come back home.
-That's all? -Yes.
-But you must return this favor. -What?
I should be promoted to 10th grade this year.
For the past ten years, I've had a job waiting for me in Ceylon.
It is my father's dream I go there.
You need to somehow promote me to 10th grade.
Okay, I'll do it.
But you have to shell out at least ten rupees.
Why?
If I pay two rupees per head,
the boys will be willing to get their hands dirty.
What is your plan?
Flow in our river is high now.
See for yourself.
If it rains now, the water level will rise even higher.
The lake near Shiva temple has increased depth and a swift flow.
If we take it in a boat to the other bank, your dog can never swim back here.
There are only farmers on the other bank.
It will survive over there somehow.
Without tamarind rice…
Tamarind rice?
No, no.
Tomorrow evening, come home, take the dog away
when the teacher is at the temple.
If she finds out, it will create a world war.
-All right? -Okay, sir.
Hurry up.
Thank God it is asleep.
-Where? -In its royal bed chambers.
-Okay, okay. -Come in.
-Decoration was splendid, right? -Goddess' sari and parrot are beautiful.
If you are not with me…
See you in the morning.
I don't really exist…
Maharasa!
I've got your favorite tamarind rice from the temple for you.
Changed my direction…
Appa, where is our king?
How do I know about king or queen?
It must have gone to grab some pig or hen nearby.
Art changed the direction of my life…
King… Maharasa?
King!
Come fast, boys.
You expect us to do so much for just one rupee?
Give me two rupees.
Are we carrying a tiger? It's just a dog.
They have come.
Welcome, welcome.
-Vanakkam. -Greetings.
Get down carefully.
-Coffee, sir. -Let it cool a bit.
I get that shitty smell.
Plug your noses.
-Entire village's crap is dumped here. -Hold the basket properly.
Hey! Catch the damn dog!
-Grab its collar! -It's running away!
Grab him, grab him.
Run fast and catch it!
Move, let me catch him.
Shit!
Go and get him!
Save the damn dog. It could die in there.
I'll give you two more rupees.
I won't even if you give me 1,000 rupees, do it yourself.
-If it dies, we'll be behind bars! -Get lost!
-What do we do? -I don't know.
Get him out.
Thank God.
I finally feel so relieved.
The groom likes the bride and the bride likes the groom.
Are both the families happy now?
My wife has only one condition.
She cleans the household items at least ten times a day.
That's how the house always looks brand-new.
She wished for a daughter-in-law just like her.
Only after we came here, we found she is just like my wife.
Hey! Where are you running off to?
Catch him!
-Grab him! -Run, run!
-Don't lose him! -I can't catch him, get lost!
Why are you running away?
We are dead meat if it escapes.
Catch that damn dog!
Where is the dog?
Dog?
What are we waiting for? Let's exchange fruits as consent.
Fate, in the end…
has brought me here. One full circle.
Forgive me, ma'am.
Your life was ruined by my stupidity.
My intention was not to betray you.
Don't curse me and send me to hell.
We are happy about your success, too.
You failed 9th grade four times,
and you left the village.
You are a celebrity in your own right now.
Give me your blessings, ma'am.
But I must tell you…
that smell…
hasn't left that house yet.